About Me

Honestly:

I'm game for pretty much anything...

... that won't kill me or physically hurt someone else. How often have you ever come up with an idea and heard me say, "no, i just dont feel like it"? 4 or 5 times maybe.

When I say I don't care either way, I usually mean it.

I could eat the same meal every night. I really don't care about stuff like that. If you do, that's fine.

I also like almost every type of food.

I don't complain about something I get for free.

I'm not above taking advice, and I don't give it out unless I'm asked.

I believe I could be a better man in a lot of ways. I can barely fix a flat. I don't barbecue. I am horrible at directions. I'm not brave. I don't have muscles. I talk a lot of shit. I don't hunt. I cried a lot as a kid. I can't back up a trailer. I'm not strong. I can't drive a stick shift. I can't grow a beard. I suck at fighting. I'm terrible with women.

But I believe it could be worse... I'll still pull over and help. I'll show up, eat meat and bring the beer. I bought a Garmin. I'm not a pussy. I don't wear skin tight shirts. I don't take shit from anyone. I fish. I stopped. I own a boat. I'm fast. I drive a truck. I'll grow one anyway. I'm fast. I love my mom.

I eat really fast because "I've got too much shit to do." But I never do shit after I eat. I guess I can start eating slow.

I hate throwing away things that have the slightest bit of meaning to me. Every time I move, I say I'm going to throw certain things away. But when I look at this stuff, and I smile, I realize there is no reason to.

Sometimes I think I'm pretty selfish and arrogant.

I give money to the less fortunate quite a bit.

I'm willing to talk to anyone like they're a human.

I don't belittle or patronize people.

Even if I think I'm better than someone, the last thing I want is for them to know it.

I feel really bad when things don't work out for people who had their heart set on something.

I hate seeing people's bubbles' burst. It's always so embarrassing for them. If someone has true and honest hope, you should just leave them the hell alone. Some of the only regrets I have in life are times when I've felt like I've burst someone's bubble.

I'd rather myself feel really terrible than know someone else is feeling terrible. I can handle it.

I don't like when people try to sound smart when they're really dumb. Big words don't make you smart. They can make you look really stupid though.

I don't like when people try to sound smart when they're really smart. These people are deusche bags.

I feel good when good shit happens to good people. But I also feel bad for people who go to prison.

I sometimes hope for someone to do a crappy job at something so that I can look better or because I am jealous or because I want to get ahead. That sucks and I hate it.

... I usually feel really terrible if it turns out my way though.

I haven't thrown up since 2005.

I used to dip and sometimes smoke. I hate that I did that. I didn't do it to be cool; I did most of my dipping alone in my truck. It served no purpose. I quit because I said I would.

I drink a little too much.

I think way too much.

Small, 50/50 decisions are hard as shit for me to make. But I don't really give much thought to huge decisions that completely change my life. I don't know why. I think I'm just too lazy to figure out the right thing to do. I also have this belief that decisions like that have no right or wrong answer. I justify it by saying that if it's a hard decision between two things, then I guess it could have gone either way so why go through that process. So I just pick one.

I'm not bragging about that. I just don't think big decisions are a big deal. However, deciding whether or not to cook breakfast or take a shower first in the morning gets me all f'ed up.

If I decide to compete at something, I become way too f'ing competitive. I prefer ties though.

I can talk myself into almost anything. I never try to talk people into doing things they don't want to do. I would be a HORRIBLE salesman. The last thing I want is to cause someone to regret something. (This rule does not apply when dealing with women)

I don't laugh or smile in pictures because I used to have really messed up teeth when I was a kid. After I got them fixed, I don't feel like I wore my retainer enough. I'm still self conscious. I've never admitted that before.

I'm in my own little world most of the time.

I care about what I wear but not that much.

I think little kids are the shit.

When I make fun of people, I do it to make others laugh and make myself feel good.

That last one makes me feel like shit.

I'm completely unsure about God and religion and the role He plays in my life. That's very hard to admit, but if we really knew things like this, there would be no such word as faith. Deep down I feel if I do what is right, all things will work out. Maybe that's why I don't sweat those huge decisions.

When I drink beer, I say some ridiculous shit. You'd think it flies out of left field but really it's just some passing thought that came through my head earlier in the day when I was sober. Sometimes I'll even say to myself, "dude please don't say this shit out loud when you're drunk." But it never fails, I'm eventually gonna say that shit. And it's almost never the way I really feel about something. I'll say some shit like, "Fuck dude. Tommy Tubberville is a top 10, no top 5! coach in college football. Every damn year he puts a top 25, no TOP 15! team on the field in the FUCKING SEC!!! THE FUCKING SEC!!! I went to Texas. I'll admit: the SEC is the best conference BY FAR in the country every year. So fuckin' fast. Fast as shit mother fuckers in the South. And fuckin T-Squared consistently, CONSISTENTLY!, goes 10-2, 9-3 every fuckin year. Sometimes 8-4. Then the mother fucker goes 13 and fuckin Oh, and they don't even give him a damn shot at a champion ship. Did you know that not a single member of the AP even gave him a number one vote (*COMPLETELY UNTRUE*). It sucks. IT SUCKS! He got fucked that year. Fuckin Pac-10. He easily top 3... What fucking time is it in this shit?" And it all started 4 hours soberlier when I was watching something about Auburn on ESPN and said to myself, "Tommy Tubberville is a little underrated as a coach. What else is on?"

I do not know how to have a middle ground. I either go all out, or I'm gonna give the most ridiculous half-assed effort you've ever seen.

I really did only study the night before tests in college. Yes, I'm proud of that. No, I didn't learn anything. I'm also ashamed of it though. What a waste. Real reason: laziness and a general lack of interest in any long term goals.

I hated my GPA in college. It was actually pretty good though.

I'm lazy as hell but I've been known to work my ass off every now and then.

I deal with the moment as it comes. I don't look to the future all that much. I do what I feel is right, and as long as I don't die sad I'm fine with whatever happens in between.

I can't handle corniness. It makes me feel fucking weird when someone says something corny. I wish I could muster up a fake laugh to help out, but I never can.

I do things to avoid socially awkward situations for other people.

I take up for people when I know they are about to look stupid. I can soften the blow.

Despite the way it seems, I do get excited about stuff. I don't show it that often because, for some reason, people act really f'ing surprised when I get excited. Or they ask me why I'm laughing, even though they are too. So i just stopped showing it. This way no one has to stare and ask to make sure I'm actually excited. And sometimes it's just awkward.

I'm pretty good at arguing, but I really do look at both sides. I tell people when they're right about something. I'll tell them I was wrong. It's kind of hard to admit when you're wrong, but not really.

If you're intelligent enough to understand the topic, you will know when you are wrong because you will understand what the other person said. You will also understand what you have said. At that point, if you are wrong then you will understand that fact as well. If you keep telling the other person that you are right, you are ignoring what you just came to understand. Then, in my opinion, you will have just become ignorant.

If you're not intelligent enough, you will honestly think you are right when you are wrong. It's no one's fault.

To me, the word ignorant comes from the word "ignore". You are ignorant if you ignore something. Having racial prejudices does not make you "ignorant", so please come up with a new word for it.

I'm not making fun of people who have a different race than me. I'm just asking for a new word to describe these assholes.

Come to think of it, the phrase "ignorance is bliss" is really untrue. While they are not mutually exclusive, you are not necessarily blissful if you are simply ignoring something you know to be true. I think "Obliviousness is bliss" would be a better way to make the point.

The dictionary has a different definition of "ignorance". It means "lack of knowledge" or "lack of awareness". If that's true, then everything I've just said is wrong. See not that hard. It doesn't change who I am or how I feel about anything. It just means I was wrong.

I feel embarrassed for people who talk straight out of their asses. It just sounds so terrible. Just listen to Baltimore Ravens linebacker Ray Lewis. I get goosebumps and feel sorry for how stupid he is. I'm not making fun of him, I just feel sorry for him.

(This is where the comment comes: "I wouldn't talk shit about that mother f****r. He's crazy." Well, if Ray Lewis gets pissed, comes to my house, beats the shit out of me and then stabs me to death, then I will gladly go out that way, with my final words being, "how in the hell did this mother f****r find my blog." Maybe he'll get convicted this time.)

Here's a few quotes I scrounged up:
“We spoke out on the grass to a group of people, consoled them, let them know we understood this was a traumatic, life-changing situation. Some had tremendous reservations about relocating to a state they knew nothing about.” --Ray Lewis on what I can only assume was the original Cleveland Browns' move to Baltimore. "Tremendous" reservations. That just kills me. Wait, he might be talking about Katrina evacuees. Either way.

“That's the most physical football game I've ever played in my entire life, ... McFadden is a great back, especially being a true freshman, but they have a big, physical offensive line, too. For them to be a 2-5 team is unbelievable.” --Ray Lewis on Oakland Raiders Rookie running back Darren McFadden, who was a true freshman 3-1/2 years prior to this comment while playing in college at Arkansas. He had to be a bad ass and use "true freshman" instead of rookie to sound smart.

“You bet. We own the Titans. I remember the good old days when I would blow up Eddie George with a big hit. Now, they've got another running back with two first names, Travis Henry, whom I plan on blowing up in the same manner.” --Ray Lewis. Here, "same manner" is, of course, referring to "with a big hit". I love the "whom" also. I also love the singular habitual activity of "a big hit". It was the exact same big hit every time he, hence not "big hits". And how about the hilarious two first names comment coming from a guy named "Ray" and "Lewis".

“I already believe I am the best linebacker in the game. Now, I have to show one more thing: that I am the most dominating, influential person in the game and the best football player to ever put on a pair of cleats.” --Ray Lewis. You really have to hear the tone in his voice to realize how retarded this one is. He paused between "dominating" and "influential", seemingly trying to come up with the biggest positive adjective he could come up with.

As long as I get some benefit out of something that happens to me, I am glad it happened. I have very little regrets.

I could have been a way better baseball player than I turned out to be if I would have not been so damn nervous. Aside from my friends and family, I don't know if I care about anything more than I care about baseball.

I make judgments about people more by how they choose to present themselves than by the color of their skin. Though I pass judgments on ethnic groups as a whole just like anyone else, I treat each individual regardless of the things they can't help. I don't think anyone should ask for anything more than that.

I help people even if they're doing their job.

Working sucks, so quit treating people in the service industry like they owe you something. Yes, you will be paying for your meal. But if you don't like the service, you have every right to never come back again. You also have every right to complain to the manager and every right to be a complete dick to the server. You also have every right to tip the server any amount you choose. But all you have accomplished is showing that you're a dick. And no, I've never worked in the service industry. If I did, I would get fired within a day.

On that note, I think people as a whole should quit being so fat and lazy. Push your f'ing cart back to the designated area at grocery stores. Don't put it in a f'ng parking spot. It's a cart. Not a damn car. And don't put frozen goods three isles down in a non-frozen section because you decided you don't want it. Someone has to put that back or, even worse, throw it away after it melts. And no, I've never worked in a grocery store. It's just common courtesy.

And don't put your shopping cart in the grass off to the side. You're not helping anyone. That's just ridiculous.

Teachers should get paid way more...

If you are a teacher, don't applaud what I just said. I don't think you should get paid more. I think teachers should get paid more so that more qualified people would have interest in becoming a teacher. No offense.

I don't expect anything from anyone.

I don't suck up.

I don't like hypocrites at all.