Full House

I absolutely love the hit 90's series Full House. I was just flipping through channels and was intrigued by the show's info:

A widowed broadcaster raises his three children with the assistance of his rock 'n' roll brother-in-law and his madcap best friend. Starring John Stamos, Bob Saget, Dave Coulier and Candace Cameron-Bure.

I didn't want my obsession with Full House to ever rear its ugly head in the form of a blog rant, but here it goes.  (Side note: If you somehow had any respect for my maturity as a writer, please stop reading now. And, I've got to ask, please don't read my post where I pose as Ernest P. Worrell)

This show description is wrong on soooo many levels. Let's break it down from the top. "A widowed broadcaster". Really? This is all you got ATT U-Verse. Actually, I'd prefer to get to this later. Let's move on to the first of his two assistants, Jesse Catsopolis (previously known as Jesse Cochran). "Rock 'n roll". Really? Rock 'n roll? HE WAS IN A BAND THAT DIDN'T MAKE IT BIG UNTIL BARRY WILLIAMS BECAME THE SINGER. THAT'S RIGHT. BARRY WILLIAMS. IN WHAT ALTERNATE UNIVERSE CAN SOMEONE STRUGGLE AS THE LEAD MAN IN A BAND, QUIT, BE REPLACED IN THAT SAME BAND WITH GREG FUCKING BRADY (20 SOME-ODD YEARS AFTER HE WAS FAMOUS), AND THEN, AND ONLY THEN, DOES THE BAND BECOME BIG, AND YOU STILL GET CALLED "ROCK 'N ROLL". ATT U-Verse show information writer, sir, you have some huge balls.

Madcap. I don't even know what that means. Get that word out of my Full House show info's. Unless it means "gay" (not that there's anything wrong with that), "having hair like woman" or "of or relating to someone who is likely to molest children". In which case it would be accurate... I looked it up. It means "marked by recklessness, capriciousness or foolishness". "CUT. IT. OUT."

My final rant relates to Candace Cameron-Bure's name. I'd like to get a ruling on placing a married woman's new last name on the credits for a show during which she was not married. She was Candace Cameron at the taping of the show. Do we put the Bure? Do we care? No. We don't.

This has got to be one of the lamest rants I've ever done.  Is Full House finally irrelevant?

A dick-nosed single dad does something that one of his children does not particularly care for. They argue before the 21st minute of the show, have a talk, hug and love each other by the end of the episode. In the mean time, his brother in law with a mullet follows a similar pattern with a second child, only instead of "hug" they "impersonate Elvis". His best friend with a mullet, as expected, follows a similar pattern, only instead of "hug" or "impersonate Elvis" they "tell jokes and improperly touch each other". At some point, Mrs. Caruthers grabs the best friend's ass. Starring those two twins that become anorexic whores and some other idiots who have been seen coked-out on 6th street. Yah, that's right, I saw you John Stamos.