A Word From Ernest P. Worrell (R.I.P.)

Hello, Ladies, I believe I'm a very desirable dude. Here's why...

I like to travel. Here's a list of places I've been:
I've been to camp.
I've been to Splash Mountain.
I've been to Disneyland.
I'm not particularly proud of it, but I've been to jail. For the record, it was false imprisonment. Cool story though.
I've been to school, and in 1994 I went back as a 45-year old man. Creepy, yes. Necessary, no.
I've been to Africa.

I've single-handedly saved the following holidays:
Christmas
Halloween
(I honestly thought I've saved more holidays than this, but oh well)

Here's a list of some of my more random and miscellaneous accomplishments and traits:
I refer to everyone as Vern, and have won a $10,ooo prize in doing so.
I've been scared stupid.
I've ridden, and ridden again.
I look and speak exactly like my Aunt Nelda. It's almost as if we were the same person, only I have a penis and she has a bigger penis.
I can slam dunk a basketball.
I joined the Army in 1998 and worked my way all the way up to Captain.

Overall, I'm a good guy who just wants to find a good woman to spoon with at night. I believe my bad looks, general clumsiness and affinity for small children has gotten in the way. But I'm ready to take the next step and all I need is a good woman to stand by my side as I save holidays and travel to random places.

By the way, Christmas is awesome. So, uh, YOU'RE WELCOME!

Love,

Ernest P. Worrell