Would humans be able to enter the Kentucky Derby?

Yesterday at F&H, I heard a story from Mr. S concerning an incident involving college, booze, not being 21, horses, police and lassoes. Accurate lassoes. I surmised that if a police officer on horseback would have tried to chase me back in my younger, faster days I would have simply outrun him. I feel that, back then, I was faster than a horse. This led to the following comment from me: "I think I could have won the Kentucky Derby." And this comment led to the question that is the subject of this blog post. Mr. J and I agreed that, no, a human would not be allowed to race in the Kentucky Derby.

And I feel that that is bullshit.

Here would be me debating myself about whether or not I could race in the Kentucky Derby. I'll use a character named to Doug to represent the guy who makes decisions on whether or not people can race against horses:

Me: Sir, I would like to sign up for the Kentucky Derby (Doug is also the guy in charge of the Kentucky Derby sign in)
Doug: What is your horse's name?
Me: This isn't for my horse. I'm signing myself up.
Doug: (laughs out loud, heartily) No, seriously.
Me: (straight face)
Doug: Are you on drugs?
Me: Not right now. I want to race against the horses. I think I'm faster than them, and I can win. I want to race with horses.
Doug: Humans aren't allowed to race against the horses.
Me: But I want to race with them.
Doug: It's a waste of time. Humans are slower than horses.
Me: (Offended) A human has every right to try his best and compete with the horses. If I lose, I lose. But I want to try and I think I have the right.
Doug: But it will make the horses uncomfortable and although it would be pretty entertaining, you would be taking a spot from another horse who deserves to have that post.
Me: It's not fair.
Doug: It's perfectly fair. It's our rules. Besides, humans have their own races and plenty of opportunity to race against one another. Go race with people. Be on a track team.
Me: But I want to race with the horses.
Doug: That's absurd. This is a publicity stunt and it will water down our sport. We are fine the way we are and just because you want to race with them, we don't have to let you. Go start your own racing league, and if horses want to join, then let them join.
Me: I don't feel like doing that, no horses would join.
Doug: Exactly. Because horses are much faster than people.
Me: That's anti-human. You're a bad person and you shouldn't judge people just because they're a person.
Doug: Yes you should. It's genetic. Horses are built differently than people. They are stronger and faster. And besides, you may get injured. Besides, one of my horses tried to join a human track team and they wouldn't let him.
Me: Either way, I want to race them. A person should be able to compete with horses if they want. Just because I am a different species of animal doesn't matter. And horses shouldn't be able to join a human track team, that's dumb.
Doug: Being a different species does matter. Now go run track, it was set up for humans and it's fun and it's the exactly same thing only you'd get to hang out with your piers instead of ruining the horse racing.
Me: Wait, this is fucking ridculous. I've seen horses run. They're fast as shit. Why am I doing this? I'll get dominated and probably cry and it won't be fun. I'll get trampled.
Doug: Exactly.
Me: Why the hell was that girl on my baseball team that one year?
Doug: I'm not touching that with a ten foot pole.

I take a bow.